I traveled last week on a work
trip and I noticed more than ever before people’s habits with their phones.
People are glued to them. Non-stop. If they have a spare moment, boom, they are
scrolling. I noted that not many people were actually talking on them, but
instead, had their noses in them.
One Mom was traveling with two
daughters and the daughters wanted her attention; they were asking questions
about the airport and the airplane, but they were ignored by the Mom.
Completely ignored. She was so engrossed in her phone, they could have walked
away and she would have never known it. I glanced at her phone to see what was
so important, but she was only on an entertainment site. Really? Some celebrity
is more valuable than your sweet daughters?
And this happened over and over
and over again. Entire families were sitting together and each had their face
in a phone. People walking and scrolling. Juggling rolling suitcases, computer
bags, lunch, and looking at their phone. Any electrical outlet had people
flocked around it. I thought a fight was going to break out in the Philly
airport when the flights started getting cancelled; people needed that charge. Needed it.
These gadgets that were supposed
to bring us closer together, well, are they really doing that? The obsession of
looking connected; because, I’m sorry, I really believe most people are just
trying to do that…look connected. Connected = popular. At least that is what the TV commercials
tell us. I glanced at a lot of screens and not to judge, but you’re in the
middle of a crowded airport and you’re looking at an article on the price of
rice in China? What are you trying to prove?
But that is our culture now. We
are obsessed. We can’t be calm. We can’t be without some sort of distraction.
And I wonder why that is?
Why are we so afraid to be alone
with our own thoughts?
My work laptop is configured not
to be able to log onto public wifi for security concerns, so for the week, I
was without Internet. I had my phone, and although I have the capability to use
the Internet, it never seems to look right and I can’t see it all on the screen
anyway, so I was out of touch.
And what I realized, what I remembered
is this; I really like face to face
communication. I miss face to face communication.
A text or an email is necessary
in our world today, but my goodness, it is satisfying to be able to look into
someone’s face as they tell you a story. One of my co-workers is from Alaska
and it was great watching him talk about the place he lives. There is a
stream within walking distance from his house where he fishes almost daily and
his freezer is full of the meat he hunts; elk, moose, bear. His fiancé loves to
fish and right before he came to training they went fishing for Halibut.
Another guy was a retired NYC
cop. Watching his face cloud over as he spoke of 9/11; his words faded and his
gaze drifted to a window. You can’t get that from a text.
It is easy to hide behind our
screens…we don’t have to deal with the other person. We don’t have to look them
in the eye and feel their emotion or perhaps deal with their bad breath or egad,
come up with a response on the spot. We may fumble our words or feel awkward or
laugh too loud or, I don’t know, be human in the presence of another human.
I’ve noticed that I am giggly and
awkward with someone. My stomach feels funny and I seem to be outside myself. I
kick myself after an encounter, “did I really say that? do that?” or “why didn’t
I say such and such!?” And that is the
beauty of being face to face. Sure, it’s easier to sit behind a screen and take
your time typing out the perfect response or quip. But, I don’t believe life
was meant to be lived that way.
I guess I am just too old
fashioned; I want that awkward human encounter.
I have had many conversations
with my friends about how electronic communication has all but ruined dating.
It just doesn’t exist anymore. One of my girlfriends had a whole relationship
without ever meeting the guy. How is that even possible? A guy friend went on
what he thought was a date, but then, wasn’t sure. Was it a date or was it hanging out? He showed me her texts…I
would have thought it was a date. But, no. It’s so much harder to figure out if
someone likes you over a screen. Is the person flirting with me or am I just
reading it that way?
One of my friends was lamenting
this after her own ‘was it a date or wasn’t
it’ encounter and I said how much I like it when the guy you kind of like
just calls you. He’s gotten your phone number somehow and you answer the phone
and it is him and your stomach does a flip flop. She stared blankly at me.
“I’ve never experienced that.”
She mentioned that things like
that don’t happen anymore…it is old fashioned.
As I said, I am old fashioned. I
want the phone call. I want to be taken on a date. Not “hanging out”. No
ambiguity. A date. He has a plan; he tells you the plan and asks if you want to
join him. On a phone call or face to face, but he ASKS YOU. He doesn’t ask your screen, he asks you.
And I get it. I have enough guy
friends to know it is difficult to ask someone out. So I may lob the ball in
your court by saying, “hey, we should go do such and such sometime”. But I like being the girl. And this girl wants a relationship in the real world, not an electronic one.
Yes, I realize when I don’t know the
person that well I email and text. But as I get to know them, that type of
communication is replaced by actually seeing them. That should be the goal.
Electronic communication should move you to face to face interactions. It is a
tool; not a lifestyle. And if you are more comfortable having a relationship with your screen, well, that speaks volumes.
Of course, one of the biggest problems with electronic communication is the rudeness of it all. We hide
behind this 3” devise and think the world no longer sees us. We are like a
child who covers his eyes and says, “Can’t see me!”
Yes, we see you. We see your behavior.
We see how you ignore; how you goad; how you insult.
We see you.
I think of the Mom at the airport
and how she was teaching her daughters that ignoring those around you is okay.
That it is okay to put something, anything, before those in front of you.
We are in relationships with our
phones. We give them our time and attention. We lavish them and cradle and
coddle them. We think they are everything.
Folks, it’s a portable computer.
It doesn’t have life.
It doesn’t give life.
You will not fade away if you don’t
have it in your hand 24/7.
In fact, may I suggest you are
fading away by having it in your hand 24/7?
Put them down. Talk to the people
before you.
It is a false connection.
Your phone cannot give you love or a hug.
It is an inanimate object.
Treat it accordingly.
