On My Latest Trip Around the Sun

So, I’m 51 today and as I look back, as I tend to do on the milestone of my Birthday, I think what a good year it was. Yeah, a pretty, darn good year.

Here are some of the good things that happened this past year:

1.      I had my gallbladder removed. I hadn’t realized how badly I was suffering with that, until it was removed and then, Wow! What a difference. Pain free. And the drugs made my back not hurt for two whole weeks. It was good.

2.      I finished my book and started sending it out to literary agents and publishers. Re-editing my book took forever as I kept writing new sections or completely re-writing others, but, finally, it was done. And although I haven’t gotten an agent or a publisher yet, I’ve gotten some great feedback and encouragement from both.

3.      I got a job. After taking two years off, (that really only should have been one), I found a job that I love. My boss is great, the work is challenging, I work from home and set my own schedule, and, most importantly, I learned a lot about myself in the process.

4.      Ireland. The mission trip I took this summer was an amazing time. I fell in love with Ireland and her people and long for it in ways that surprise me. We had a Sunday picnic on the lush grounds of Muckross House that was so beautiful, so relaxing, and so full of fellowship, that in times of stress I think on it and that wonderful feeling of contentment comes flooding over me.

5.      My relationship with God has deepened. I joined a home fellowship, I attended the spring Women’s Bible study on Tuesday mornings, I signed up to serve in a few ministries, and, surprise! When you feed the Spirit, the relationship you have with God deepens. And I have met some truly amazing people. Bonus!

As great as the year has been, there have been a few downers as well, and they are worth mentioning, if only to see how I have grown through them.

1.      I’m still single. This one has been difficult as I dated a few people who ultimately moved on to others. And that part I am okay with…here’s why: I’m not going to be rushed in to anything. A friend set me up with a really nice guy who had lost his wife two years ago. And he was ready, like right now, to move on. I recognized he hadn’t dealt with his grief and pulled back a little, and bam. Three months later he was married to someone else. “That could have been you,” my friend said. “Thank God it’s not me!” I answered. They are now separated and his words of, “I can’t believe I found love again so soon!” haunt him. Cuz, it wasn't love. It was 'thank god I'm no longer alone'.  It’s hard to wait for the right person, but I am determined to do so and to not let my singleness or loneliness make me make a decision I will regret. The only thing worse than being single is being married to the wrong guy. And please stop thinking that because I am single, anybody is better than nothing. So. Not. True.

2.      My back. Enough said.

3.      Christmas. I love Christmas, but my family seems to put such an ugly spin on it that each year it gets harder and harder to find the simple joy of it. Presents are banished as being a pain, get togethers are a chore (for them), and the singleness thing gets to me while I try to pretend it doesn’t. I am determined not to succumb to any of this nonsense this year.

4.      Watching my son struggle. It was a year of mourning Phil and mourn he did. And while that is a good thing, it was hard for this Momma to watch. He is stronger for it and he is starting to move forward again, but oh, gut wrenching to watch him go through it.

5.      My Mom's fall and subsequent brain surgery. Really, enough said.

So, all in all, my year has been good and God has blessed me in many, many ways. As my next trip around the sun begins, I am excited for the promises it holds. I think of the practical things I want to do (new carpet for the house!) and the not so practical (a trip to Alaska!). But more than anything, I want to make a difference for God. I want to deepen existing friendships. I want to be more kind. I want to not sweat the small stuff. I want to be gracious when faced with a difficult person. I want to drive without involuntarily screeching, “Are you kidding me?!” I want my friends to not be sick.

I want Timber to not be such a hound.

Well, we can’t have everything. 

On Tomorrow

Tomorrow never comes.

It is always today.

Always.

As I come down from the absolutely stress and anxiety filled last two weeks, these thoughts keep filtering through my mind.

Today.  This day. This moment.

We, as a culture, always seem to put off until tomorrow what could, and probably should, be done today.

Why do we do that?

Why do we have such a hard time with today?

The Bible tells us that, ‘today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it’.

But we don’t. We seem to have a really, really, hard time with today. We hate Mondays. We hate Sundays because the next day is Monday. And we hate Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, because they aren’t Friday. We cling to tomorrow for its promise of what we could possibly maybe do.

Yet, it is always today.

Why do we put off taking care of ourselves until tomorrow? Our health is so very important, yet we eat like there is no consequence. What we put in our mouth today becomes our health, or lack thereof. We eat that slice of cheesecake or mound of chocolate chip cookies or bag of chips, or 3 slices of pizza because we foolishly believe we will eat better tomorrow. We have been taught to see food as a reward or as comfort instead of fuel. So, we reward ourselves with a 2000 calorie dinner because we’ve had a bad day. Or we down a gallon of ice cream to comfort ourselves from the harshness of the world. And, then, tomorrow, that word again, tomorrow, we will do better.

Same with exercise. The couch feels like a friend at the end of a long hard day.  Exercise is hard and taxing and we just don’t have the energy today. Tomorrow, we will. We’ll do it tomorrow.

Same with our dreams. How many dreams have you put on hold until tomorrow?

What about that broken relationship? You’ll call them tomorrow, right?

Tomorrow is the best day; it holds the best part of ourselves, doesn’t it? The healthy us. The better eating us. The fixer of broken relationships us. The us that pursues our dreams. 

And in our pursuit of tomorrow, we forget about today.

When everything happened with my Mom, and for a very short synopsis, what happened was she fell and hit her head, twisting her ankle in the process and thought she was fine. And by all accounts she was fine. The people that were with her when it happened sat with her and ate lunch with her for 45 minutes after the fall. She was fine. I saw her four or five times after the fall and she brushed off all questions and concerns. Until, two weeks after she fell, when her right side was hanging limp and she wasn’t quite herself. Six hours after seeing her primary care doctor, she was being wheeled into an OR for emergency brain surgery. Oh, and she had a fractured ankle.

In those moments, tomorrow vanishes like a vapor.

The day after surgery my Mom was crushed. Not because of what happened, but because the concept of today, and how many she has wasted the last few years, settled in on her. She put everything off until tomorrow.

And tomorrow has left her high and dry, without a forwarding address.  

And, now, she is paying for it.

Because the very real concept that she may not be able to do the things she has put off, is a harsh reality. She hasn’t taken care of herself and has filled her belly with sugar and the chemical processed junk that passes as food.  She has put off traveling. She has put off exercising. She has put off new hobbies and old friends. Her cousin in New York called and asked when she is coming for a visit and it reduced her to tears. She may never get back there again.

And I get it, I really do, the concept of tomorrow. Today really does seem to ask a lot from us, but it is tomorrow that twists it around.  We see the exercise routine or that idea of eating better and tomorrow asks us, “Are you going to be able to do this forever?” Um, heck no, why even try? I’ll never be able to keep this up forever. When you're going through a miserable time, tomorrow makes you think that you will never get through the misery. 

Today only asks, “Can you do this today?” Sure. One day is easy. 

As the Pollyanna daughter, I believe my Mom can change things. I believe if she puts her mind to it, she can start believing in the power of today. She has learned that tomorrow isn’t her friend. And after taking a day or two to mourn what is lost, she can start to build a life that is lived in this day. Not in a faraway day that never gets here.

So, make your plans, but remember the strength and power that is in today.

It is always today.

Always.