On Old Friends

On Old Friends

The last few days I have had the good fortune to be around some of my oldest and dearest friends. One has known me since we were 9 years old; two since we were 13; and one since college. What I love about being around these people is that they know me…I mean really know me; my character, my likes, my dislikes, my hopes and dreams and what makes me, well, me. They are the epitome of the slogan, “a friend is someone who knows everything about you, but likes you anyway”.  And thank goodness! Where would we be without those friends who look past our quirks and irritating habits to see the real us?

And that is the joy of deep, long lasting friendships, right? It’s not only the history you have with these people; it’s the way they know you. They can support you with a word or make something you’ve been dealing with suddenly so clear because they know your personality by heart. They can be thoughtful with you or call you out on your doo-doo.  A well-meaning question, (“is that who you want to be?”) can shake you up when it is said with the edgy kindness only one of these friends can get away with. They can tease you and have nicknames for you and know you are happy or sad just by the look in your eyes. Of course, time has no meaning with these friends. If you do not speak to or see one of them for years, the minute you are in each other’s presence, it’s as if no time has passed. I feel most relaxed around these friends; they give me an ease that soothes my soul.

They are a gift.

In our 20’s, Becky and I were roommates. We had met doing gymnastics in the 5^th grade and had competed together up through our teen years. A wrist injury ended my career in high school and I didn’t see her for a few years until I bumped into her one day at Fashion Gal. I remember being so happy to see her but she stayed on the other side of the circular clothes rack while we caught up. Finally, somewhat sheepishly, she said she had gained some weight, a true horror for any gymnast, even one who had not competed in years, and stepped out from behind the rack. And yes, she had gained weight, but I remember thinking, “Um, I don’t care.” When I didn’t judge her or recoil in horror, she relaxed. I think she saw herself through my eyes. Weight was a huge issue while we were competing; we were fat tested on a regular basis, weighed before and after practice, and punished for even the slightest weight gain. So, I can see why she was hesitant. I’m sure she wondered if I would take my friendship away, but once she saw that I saw her, not her weight gain, a trust was born that has seen us through good and bad times all these later.

And she has done the same for me over the years. During college, a snarky girl that we were acquainted with asked why I had so many male friends. She said it in an accusatory way in front of a bunch of people and I have to admit that I was totally taken aback. It would never occur to me to not be friends with someone because they were male…some of my very best friends were male…and I was speechless (a rarity in those days). As she stood there glaring at me, I sputtered back, “Well, why wouldn’t I? “ Becky, in her matter of fact way, said, “Susie is an equal opportunity friend. She doesn’t care if you are male or female, black or white, tall or short, fat or skinny. If you have the qualities she is looking for, she is your friend.” The girl walked off and I just remember thinking, “Yeah, I am like that.” Thanks, Bec. And, I continue to use that line today. I AM an equal opportunity friend…and yes, people (women) still ask why I am friends w/ males. You want to know what is great about having male friends? Some of my best girl friends are the girl friends or wives of my male friends. Cool guys marry cool girls. Enough said.

Lonny is one of the aforementioned male friends. We met in Health Ed when we were 13. We had a brief conversation and that was it…friends for life. Lonny was the brother I never had; he wouldn’t so much as warn me about boys, but would tell me how they are made up and would clue me in on the characteristics of some of the ones I found myself interested in. He took care of me in a way that I hadn’t experienced before…I think it was the first time I understood what the phrase, “I have your back” meant. That’s Lonny. He has my back. Well into our college years when I found myself brokenhearted over a boy, I drove myself to his house and walked in after one knock as usual. He was on the couch watching a movie and I walked over, buried my face in his chest and cried. And cried. And cried. Now, a girl friend would ask a lot of questions and we would hash it out bit by bit. Lonny just let me cry, rubbing my back until I was all cried out. I blew my nose, asked what he was watching (The Terminator) and finished the movie with him. He never asked what was wrong, never offered advice, which is probably why I went to him instead of Becky or another girl friend. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on and to not have to explain what is happening at that moment in time. He knew me well enough to know this was one of those times.  

As I recount these times and think on these long lasting friendships, I feel so blessed. I also have been comparing them to my newer friends and I realize some of these newer friends I’ve known for six or seven years! In a world filled with fair weather friends and many people who suffer from the Princess and the Pea syndrome (everyone annoys them), I again count myself blessed to have people who stick around. It is such a blessing to have people who are pulling for you and who truly care about you. And a bigger blessing is to be able to pull and care for them in return.

I had some of these newer friends over for a pool party the other day and I remember just thinking how much I liked these women. Some I have just gotten to know within the last year and others I have known for a lot longer than that, but each is so kind hearted, spirited, sincere, honest, trustworthy, that spending time together energizes me. We can share anything with each other because no one is a gossip and when I go for a week or so without talking to them, I feel off somehow. Yup…friendship is such a blessing!

And the key really is this…because there are mean people out there who pretend to be your friend and then share what you’ve told them with others and ridicule you for it; there are people who use you to get something they want and then ditch you; there are people who smile to your face and turn and roll their eyes. Right? We’ve all been hurt by these “friends. So the key is this…be the friend you want to be and use your discernment when it comes to people. Their character will let you know if they are a fair weathered friend or a friend who will know everything about you but like you anyway.

Cheers to the ones who like you anyway!