On Lance

On Lance

Against my better judgment, I found myself watching Lance’s interview with Oprah. I didn’t want to watch for many reasons, but I almost couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hear it from him; I wanted to hear him say it and hear his explanations, if he had any.

In my fifteen years as an adjuster, I have interviewed thousands people. The key to any good interviewer is the ability to listen. People will tell you a lot, if you let them, and after so many years of interviewing people, you learn when people are being honest, and when they’re not. There are cues people do that let you know something is amiss. Their tone becomes monotone or suddenly becomes animated; they don’t answer the question or their answer doesn’t make sense.

So, almost immediately upon tuning in, I knew Mr. Armstrong was not being truthful. His tone was even with no inflections; he moved constantly, leaning back and forth, rocking side to side and crossing his legs and arms, almost hiding his face with his hands at some points; he was not connected to the words he was speaking until he was asked how he doped. He didn’t answer, but then said it was “smart”. His eyes lit up and he smiled. It was the first true statement he had said.

The whole thing to me was upsetting. Lance’s story has been a great one and an important one in my life. Jon was a huge Lance fan. They had raced against each other in youth triathlon years ago and Jon had always followed his career. As a special education teacher, Jon had posters of Lance up in his room. Not of him on his bike or winning, but when he was sick with cancer; bald and skinny. The greatness of his story…overcoming cancer by sheer will it seemed, then going on to win, win, win, captured the world’s admiration. Jon used the story to motivate his kids, and himself. I know thoughts of Lance got Jon through Kona.

One of the first trips Jon and I ever took was to go see Lance speak at a convention. Augie Nieto the founder of Life Fitness had been diagnosed with ALS about the same time as Jon. It had been a little under a year for both of them and, at that point, the effects were slight. Mr. Nieto turned Life Fitness’s annual convention into the start of “Augie’s Quest”, which was his quest to raise money and awareness for ALS, much like Jon would do with the Blazeman Foundation and the War on ALS. The keynote speaker was Lance. After Ironman, Jon and Augie had been in contact with each other and Augie invited Jon to the convention. Since it was in Vegas, we took a flight over and met up with some of Jon’s friends who had driven over from CA.

The convention was top notch, with amazing food, amazing energy, and amazing events. While at the sushi table, I reached for the tongs at the same time someone on the other side of the table did. Our hands touched and we both pulled our hand back…I looked up into the face of a very handsome guy. He was short and had on a sweet leather jacket. “After you,” he said with more charm than anyone should be allowed to have. I smiled, and when he smiled back, I realized it was Lance. Man, those eyes are blue! I giggled, got my sushi, handed him the tongs, smiled, he smiled again, I continued giggling, and moved on down the food table. When I got back to my seat, I told Jon, who HATED sushi and hadn’t wanted to come with me to the table, who I had just encountered. His face read several things; “Damn, why don’t I like sushi?!” then, “Lance!!!”  He bolted up out of his seat and took off to find Lance. He never found him and from that day forward, rued the day he decided he didn’t like sushi.

When Lance got up to speak, the crowd of several thousand became so quiet you could hear a pin drop. He spoke eloquently; forcefully; with purpose and encouragement for those in the crowd who had ALS. His speech really was to them alone, and I could see the effect on Jon. He seemed to swell and gain courage from the words. I think, really, that is when the War on ALS was born.

So, in watching Lance’s interview, I could only think of Jon and how crushed he would be. Well, not crushed, this is Jon I’m talking about. He would have been super, flipping, MAD.  Irate. And rightly so. For me, as I watched Lance continue to lie, I was struck by how caught up he was in his own little world of lies and deception. How he had the self-awareness and emotional intelligence of a teaspoon. That the only person he was lying to was himself. We all know, Lance. We all can see it. Yes, you bullied the guys on your team to dope. Yes, you called honest people liars and sued the pants off of them. Yes, you had people close to you try to pay off USADA. No, you’re not sorry for what you did. Yes, you are very, very sorry you got caught.

And I could only think, “What a waste!”

Your whole life is built on a lie, dude. You are morally corrupt. And it’s just such a waste.

In reading all the articles, blogs, and commentaries about Lance, everyone has put their own spin on it, and everyone has come up with a lesson to be learned. Or given him a pass to go on to triathlons or marathons, which I personally hope does not happen. They wonder if he will realize what he has done. Does he understand the impact his lies will forever have on his kids? Oprah said she hopes he becomes a better man.

For me, I’m just sad. And, I already knew these lessons. I already knew that pride comes before a fall. I already knew that a life of lies cannot be sustained. I already knew that sometimes God gives us over to our folly in hopes that His grace in the situation will lead us to right our wrongs. And, I already knew that when we don’t, God will step aside and let the chips fall where they may.

This is not the end to his story. He will continue fighting his war on himself and the world. If I could talk to him I would tell him this…Fix your stuff, dude. You’re angry at your father…go find him and have some conversations. Take that freakin chip off your shoulder and realize, even if you never race again, you are so blessed. Listen to your ex-wife…she is wise and if you listen to her you will come to understand that honesty is everything. Start by being honest with yourself. Eighty six the people you have around you that thought all this was a good idea. Go ride your bike, for the sheer joy of it, not to prove you are somebody to the world. Find God. That emptiness you feel will only be satisfied with Him.

And so, as his life work is scratched from the record books and from our thoughts, I think I will remember him in that space and time when he was someone to someone I loved. Because when I need motivation, I think of Jon.