On Looking Back

On Looking Back           

At the end of every year, the media starts churning out end of the year lists along with the top stories; top celebrity scandals; top pop culture trends; and whatever else is deemed worthy for us to remember. I think it is good to look back, good to remember where we’ve been, and this year, I think, has been particularly difficult. Not for me personally, but for our nation. We went through a horrible political season with mudslinging, and let’s face it, out and out hatred for one another. We no longer value one another. We no longer can tolerate anyone who has an opinion that is different from ours…and the election showed that in spades.

We also took killing one another to new heights. If we don’t value each other, I guess it is inevitable, but the lengths that these evil people have gone to show their hatred makes me shudder. And it is evil. They are evil people…gun control or mental illness or what have you…but they planned meticulously, they knew what they were doing, and that is evil. Should we talk about gun control and mental illness? Absolutely. But, let’s also talk about hatred and evil. If I value you, I’m not going to stock pile ammo and spend weeks planning how to kill you. We need to talk about how we can’t seem to cope with life’s ups and downs. Or our anger.

Adultery scandals continued to roll across our television screens and newspapers, this year taking down the head of the CIA, among others. We can’t even seem to value our spouses.

And our financial world is dangling on that darn cliff they keep talking about. They’ve reached an agreement for now, but I wonder how far will we, the people, fall if our elected officials can’t get it together? Pretty darn far, I’m afraid. It seems the only thing they can agree on is to give themselves a raise. Sweet.

Locally, we didn’t fare much better…little Isa is still missing; shootings and killings are a daily event; people are dying on our roads weekly; there is an arsonist on the loose, and Jack’s BBQ closed.

So, I wonder what lies ahead for us in 2013? It seems the momentum has been carrying us along now in the wrong direction and it is supremely difficult to turn things around once they start heading anywhere. So, how bad is it going to get before we do something about it?

Or, am I just focusing on the wrong things here? Have I succumbed to the media feast of negativity? As I always do when the world gets too big, I look inward. What did I accomplish in 2012? Did I value those around me? Did I live up to my expectations for myself?  I’ve never been a goal setter, but I do have ideas that I try and put in to place at the beginning of every year. They are basic ideas like “trust God more” or “be more social”. These seem more tangible to me and can be lived out through the year in many ways…much better than say, “run every day” or “read the Bible for 10 minutes each day”. Both good things, but could become a chore rather than the life changing or life growing ideas they should be. Or worse, something I stop doing January 25th because I've missed a few days.

So how did I do? Did I trust God more in 2012? Oh yeah. You can’t quit your job without another one and not trust God. And, here’s the thing about that…when you say to God, I want to trust you more, He’ll give you situations so you, well, have to trust Him more. It’s one of those things that Christians joke about…don’t ever pray for patience, cause He’ll  put you in the most patience inducing situations ever. Same, same. But with that trust, comes the peace that passes all understanding. When Jeremy was here in October, we were discussing my financial situation and although it is distressing, he commented that I don’t seem that concerned. And basically the answer is, I have to trust God. Matthew tells us that not a sparrow falls from the sky that God doesn’t know about…and to me that means, He’s got my back. In leaving my church, that also meant I had to trust God. Although I loved the church, I hadn’t really been able to get involved. The music and teaching was great at first, but I was never really a part of their community. Once the teachings started to slip, I felt God’s nudging me to find a place where I could be involved and be part of a community. I have found a new church, but it is always difficult to fit in at first. I’m not a young married with children, which seems to be what every church is about these days, but I have joined a missional community group and am starting to get to know people. And, I have to trust that God has me there for a reason.

Which leads me to the “be more social” idea…how did I do with that this year? Pretty good. My idea was to not make more friends or to join more groups, but to be more social with the people who were already in my life. Instead of succumbing to the busyness of life, I tried to be intentional about inviting people for coffee, lunches, movies, or hikes. And it’s always a little daunting at first, right? I mean, it shouldn’t be, but it is. What if they say no? What if they don’t return my call? What if we do meet for coffee and the fun friendship we have in a big group doesn’t translate? What if I ask people over for dinner and no one comes? But, what I found is that people do want to do things and once you are on their radar, they will in turn invite you to things. And people do say no, but it’s usually because they truly can’t, not for all the horrible reasons we think up in our head. And sometimes it is awkward, and sometimes an invite goes unanswered, but it is worth it to find those people that you click with and whose company you enjoy.

So, I find that looking back on our nation and on life is really about growing. Our nation seems to not value itself anymore. Our nation seems to be about greed for the ones in power. Our nation seems to not be able to cope with disappointments or anger. But with those struggles, our nation is looking for ways to grow beyond that; and I am happy that the debates have begun. Go democracy! And the question becomes, what can I do about this stuff? Yelling my viewpoint from the top of the Empire State Building isn’t going to change a thing. But, as I always say, the change starts with me. I can value myself and others; I can be generous; I can learn to cope with disappointments and anger. And the start of a new year is great for that, right? Looking back shows us where we faltered and where we succeeded and we can look to the future and say how we want to grow and how we want to do better. I mean, no one ever says they want to watch more TV or gain 10lbs in the New Year. No, we see the New Year as new opportunities to better ourselves and the world around us. And, looking back, my world did get better last year. I grew as a person, I grew in my relationship with God, I deepened friendships.

And as I shift from looking back to looking forward, I am excited about finding a few new ideas to carry me through the year…what is flitting through my head is “finish things” and “love more”.

 

Yowza.

 

Happy New Year!